Finding The Secret Gift in Your Divorce

It took me seven years to find it. I was bitter and angry when my ex-husband walked out the door of our apartment the day before Valentines.

It felt like the carpet was ripped out from under me. That day I not only lost my husband of fifteen years but also my family and most of our mutual circle of friends.

As an immigrant to the United States my first instinct was to get on the next plane back home to Europe, but I was too ashamed of being perceived as a failure.

I had worked hard to establish myself professionally as an executive at a big Hollywood movie studio. To my friends and family back home I looked like a fairy tale of an immigrant’s dream come true.

The little girl that left her native Austria to move to the United States because she had fallen in love with an amazing man and realized her big dream of working in the movie industry.

My Pride Saved Me from Making a Terrible Mistake

The thought of going back as a defeated and broken women and the naysayers having their field day with me was too much on top of the emotional pain, the grief and anger I was feeling at the loss of my partner and best friend.

My pride kicked in and I made a deal with myself:

I applied for my US citizenship and if after being sworn in I’d still feel strong about going back home it was ok to do so.

Going through the divorce proceedings was one of the darkest times of my life where I had my therapist on speed dial and was taking a tranquilizer with my morning coffee to be able to perform at my high-octane job where we were going through a massive restructuring.

There were days when I woke up and I asked God why I was still breathing.

I couldn’t fathom that a person could endure the level of emotional pain and anguish that I was feeling. I remember pleading with Him to just let me fall asleep and not wake up the next morning.

God Had Other Plans for Me

When the emotional turmoil finally cleared 11 months later with my divorce becoming final, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery to put the pieces of me back together.

I took a sabbatical from the movie studio to do something different: I came to Mexico to do Yoga teacher training and there it happened:

One early morning coming out of a meditation on a beautiful rooftop overlooking the turquoise Caribbean waters, there was something about how the sun rays were hitting the water.  As I was contemplating the scene, I heard a voice speak to me. It was a male voice and it said:

“Simona, you have to move here.”

And in this moment, I felt these words in my entire body. It was like every single cell in my system was filled with joy. I remember thinking:

“Yes, I want that!”

The next thought that popped in about two nanoseconds later was:

“But how is this ever going to happen?”

Here is the interesting thing: There were only women in this training, so I knew that what I heard was coming from above and it almost immediately provided an answer to my how question.

One of my fellow students in this training was a life coach. Up until that day I had no idea what a life coach did, but she took me under her wings and opened the first door to show me HOW I could make it happen.

I embarked on a journey of personal development ultimately leaving my career as a Hollywood movie executive to become a transformational mentor and business consultant and moved to… Mexico.

The Gift Showed Up Unexpectedly

The gift showed up seven years later when I became conscious of the fact that my ex-husband had given me the greatest gift of all: FREEDOM.

I came to see that he had the courage to leave a marriage that was unfulfilling to both of us because we had grown apart. He liberated me so that my path could open before me.

Had he not walked out that day, we’d both be miserable today but even worse, I would have never found my calling. I would have never moved to this beautiful place I now call home.

I would have never have met my amazing clients, and I would have never been in a position to help these beautiful women radically reinvent themselves in their next chapter.

And my ex-husband would not be happily re-married with a toddler today.

A Big Realization That Changed How I Look At Life

I realized that nothing ever happens to us, but everything happens FOR us, so that we can become who we are meant to be and fulfill our mission in this lifetime.

When people told me that there was going to be light at the end of the tunnel, while I was in grip of the darkness, I did not believe them, yet, I‘ve come to experience that this is true.

One day soon, you too will see the gift. For it is there, even in the darkness. Just like the sun comes up every morning after a long dark night, so will you rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

When you start unpacking your gift, it will become your beacon of light that illuminates the path ahead, so you can begin to see what is next. Prepare to be surprised and delighted. There are great things awaiting you.


Simona Ksoll is a Business Consultant & Personal Mentor to high-achieving women over forty. A 20-year marketing executive in Hollywood, she has paired solid business strategy with neuroscience to help her clients radically reinvent themselves in their next chapter, so that they can make their vision their reality and create an amazing life.

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