First off, sometimes you just want to know.
It’s burning you from the inside out. You want to know if your spouse is cheating on you. I’m not talking about this motivation.
That’s something ONLY you can decide.
I’m going to give you a few tips for when it’s a waste of time and money:
- If a divorce has already been going on for several months. Yes, I get it, you want to prove that your suspicions were right along. But if you can’t prove there was adultery before the divorce was filed, the Court can’t consider it. I’ve recently been part of a divorce where the opposing party had spent almost $10k to prove their wife had been seeing people. AFTER the divorce was filed. Many months after. The Judge repeatedly told the other attorney it wasn’t going to prove she had committed adultery. What a waste of money.
- If you already have an admission of guilt from your spouse when you are proving adultery. Preferably with a collaboration of some sort. A text message. An email. Or a recording (of you and the offending party – no eavesdropping allowed). I recently had a client ask me if they should hire an investigator. Their spouse had already told him about numerous times she had cheated on him in an email, text, and on a recording. He also had spoken to one of the paramours. Adultery is proven. If you are trying to prove adultery then it’s done.
- It’s a short term marriage and there is nothing at stake. For example, if you have been married a year or two but you have anything to fight for. Don’t do it unless it’s purely because you want to know. It’s not going to help your case unless possibly to pay your legal fees. But do you really want to spend the money just to get compensated?
- When you have known about the affair and have kept having sex with your spouse. If you know your husband or wife has been cheating and you are having sex with them, anyone, then the legal premise, condonation applies. Basically, if you know and have sex with them after you “condone” it.
- When you are also having sex with someone else. I know it seems crazy but I recently had a trial where one party had been living with his girlfriend. But he wanted to argue about the fact that my client was dating. SO WHAT?
- If you have been separated. I had a client call me who is out of the country and he and his wife haven’t seen each other or been together in about three years. He wanted to know if we needed to get an investigator to prove she had moved on. NO! Post separation adultery isn’t going to impact the divorce.
Having given the above examples, I can’t know what your facts are and my answers may change if children are involved. But if you are strictly trying to prove adultery then think carefully about whether the results are going to be worth the fee.